My ultimate crush posted an after sex selfie, I think. Well, i don’t think that was a selfie, another person whom he woke up with must have taken that.
Kainggit.
For one, I haven’t had sex for the longest time.
And, I’m lonely…career is going well that it has taken over my entire being – I’m having trouble sleeping (again), and I feel tired most of the time.
I have become a work addict I think, because I tend to choose to bear the stress instead of taking time off.
When I’m in this state, for some reason, I inevitably notice the absence of my love life, particularly sex.
People seem to be motivated by that, why shouldn’t I?
Yes, give it days, then magiging malibog na ako.
Then I will act out, then I will feel guilty then I will get depressed.
My cycle.
Am I being too hard on myself? Or am I just mindlessly conforming to what others perceive as the natural state of things – people should have a love life. Being different causes its own loneliness, but so is just flowing.
But do I really want it? I mean, seriously, do I really want it?
I want it for the security that it gives, but I don’t hunger for it as much as I’m hungry for career. I can get by more or less.
Maybe the stress comes from comparing myself too much with others – I should have a boyfriend because other gays my age are having parties and the most immaculate sex.
I listen to so many voices and opinions…forming my perception of what things should be.
But examining closely, having done this for so long, it did not make me happy.
I’ve recently attended a training conducted by Francis Kong, and what really struck me was when he said that we must be careful on what we feed our mind, because it forms us.
I guess at this point, I’m just tired of not having any concrete thing to anchor myself on, I’m tired of views which complicates my life.
I’ve been listening to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen recently.
This has been Joel’s opening spiel everytime:
“This is my Bible.
I am what it says I am.
I can do what it says I can do.
Today, I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess:
My mind is alert, My heart is receptive.
I will never be the same.
I am about to receive
The incorruptible, indestructible, Ever-living seed of the Word of God.
I will never be the same .
Never, never, never.
I will never be the same.
In Jesus name. Amen.”
I’m going to give this a try.
Watusi 
One Comment
“sex is part of healthy living” –i was told this during one of my doctor’s appointments. so i guess lack of sex could somehow add to the stress you already have with other things. but it is not a necessity and there should never be a time limit/pressure when it comes to this. you said you’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. that could be because of stress too. why don’t you take a break even for a day? go somewhere and relax or do something you used to love doing. i know it’s easier said than done. we get too absorbed by our careers that we forget that there’s actually life outside of this circle. people who are driven will keep pushing until they break. and once they break, it’s harder for them to put things back together.
so go on your much needed break and think of yourself even for a just little while.