Laktawan ang galugad

All it took was one interview before I realized how irrational I can be. Ever since nabalitaan ko na in demand ang mga English tutors sa mga koreano, I’ve always imagined doing it. Not that I’ve considered it as a carrer. Gusto ko lang talagang i-try. Fascinated kasi ako sa mga foreigners. Gusto ko silang makasalamuha. Gusto kong matutunan yung culture nila first hand – hindi yung sa mga hearsays lang. Ewan ko pero nung high school ako, ang idea ko sa college, puro mga foreigners ang mga magiging kaklase ko. Tapos we would hang out together. Tapos I’ll get to tell stories to people about them. Pero hindi pala ganun sa UP. May mangilan-ngilan na foreigners pero hindi ko naman sila naging kaklase. Kaya nadisappoint ako. Kaya gusto kong magturo ng mga koreano. Tsaka I found Koreans cute. Ewan ko. Who knows baka makita ko pa ang soulmate ko along the way.

So last Sunday I received a response from one of the tutorial centers na inapplyan ko. The HR scheduled me to drop by on Monday. Pero enrolment ng Monday so hindi ako nakapunta kaya Tuesday na ako nainterview. Ang hirap pumunta dun. Sabi ng tita ko malapit lang daw yun sa Megamall. Pero ang dami pa palang pasikot sikot. Kung hindi siguro ako nagtaxi malamang dehydrated na ako nung nakarating ako sa place. Anyway, when I entered their office, the woman greeted me warmly. Sabi ko: “Sorry po late ako kasi po naligaw po kami ng taxi”. Tapos puro English ang sagot nya sakin. Dun ko lang nasense na required silang mag-english kasi nga English tutorial yung services nila. So ayun, napasubo na ‘ko sa ingles. Anyway, natatawa ako dun sa babae kasi medyo trying hard syang mag-ingles. “Buwlahkhan” ang pronounciation nya sa Bulakan. Natatawa nga ako e kasi feeling nya, porke English instructor sya, kelangan pati Filipino terms, kelangan lagyan nya ng English accent. Anyway, binigyan nya ko ng exam. Mostly puro grammatical errors yung questions. Marami naman akong nasagot kaya lang nakalimutan ko na yung ilang subject-verb agreement na high school ko pa huling naencounter. Tapos nung nasa no 30+ na ako, bigla nya ‘kong pinatigil. Napansin nya kasing taga Buwlahkhan ako. Kamusta naman daw ‘yun e mostly sa Makati area yung mga tuturuan ko. Tapos 200 lang naman ang ibabayad sa akin. Pamasahe pa lang daw, ubos na agad yung allowance ko. Tapos may times pa daw na pasaway o kaya absent yung koreano. Kapag absent ang tutee mo, walang allowance.

And so I started talking about what it means to me. Sabi ko I’m not after the money – that I just want to try this out for experience sake. Pero ‘di nila ‘yun kinagat. Hindi yata sila prepared makatrabaho ang isang martyr na tutor.

Pero totoo talaga na hindi ako after sa income. Gusto ko lang talagang itry. Meron akong “confusion factor” kung anong career path ang dapat kong tahakin. I want to try as many things as possible kasi who knows, baka somewhere along the road, mag-occur na lang sa ‘kin yung mission ko sa buhay. May ganun akong ilusyon nung pumunta ako sa interview na ‘yun.

Pero para akong nauntog sa pader nung ipinaintindi sa akin nung babae yung pinapasok ko. Sa interview na yun ko narealize kung gaano ako kairrational at emotional.

Sabi nila irrational daw talaga kapag sinunod mo ang puso mo. Pero all my life, I’ve felt na lagi na lang reason ang pinapagana ko. Have I followed my heart, I would have been in the Center for Aesthetic Studies trying out cosmetology. Have I followed my heart, I would have been in the Philippine School of Interior design taking Interior design. Have I followed my heart, I would have been enrolled in a crash course in Fashion Design. Pero I have followed my reason. I opted to write nursing in my UPCAT form (thank God it didn’t happened). I opted to shift to CompSci because it’s the “course of the future”. I never really followed my heart. Sa pagkakataon na ‘to, sinunod ko ang puso ko – nauntog naman ako. Mali yata yung diskarte ko.

Somehow I’m proud, because at least I took some steps. Sabi nga nila it’s better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all. But somehow, I noticed a flaw in my character. I’m so impulsive. Masyado akong nagpapadala sa emosyon ko.

Siguro next time hindi na ganito. Ok lang siguro na ginagawa natin yung gusto natin pero hindi ibig sabihin nun hindi na tayo mag-iisip.

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3 Comments

  1. jst d fact na naiisip mo yan, dt makes u “less” irrational 😀 kung pde lng talaga i follow ang heart palage..:D pero ok lng yan, charge it to experience..sarap ng feeling di ba??

  2. I can actually relate with you…I also want to be a designer or make up artist or something that has to do with being artistic and traveling but here I am testing software that seems to be going nowhere. I applaud your guts to do something and as for me I have yet to step up.

    >>ynah, sabi nga nila, hangga’t nabubuhay tayo, nothing is too late. hirap talaga kapag nabubuhay tayo sa expectations ng iba. i’m still struggling with it. sana magtagumpay tayo 🙂 tnx for dropping by.

  3. As your blog went through, I saw that your main purpose was (YOU) to learn from the Koreans, NOT the Koreans learning English from you…
    Talagang ibabagsak ka nila. Alam nila kung magpapa-cute ka lang or seryoso ka sa iyong papasuking trabaho… Wala pang psychometric exam yun ah. Pano pa kung merong exam na ganun? Teaching Koreans is a serious job, hindi ito laru-laru lang. Oo mababa ang sweldo, but for starters lang yun. If you really proved na magaling ka, you will get rewards beyond your imagination. You need PASSION for the job na gusto mong pasukin, hindi FASHION (pa-cute) lang.

    the only problem was that i’m too far from my tutees. the concern of the interviewer was that i won’t earn so she can’t really get the point of giving the job to me. she said that if otherwise, she would have accepted me. hindi ko rin alam kung bakit dahil di ko naman natapos yung exam. siguro mas binibigyan nila ng importance yung interview dahil doon naman talaga nasusukat kung sanay kang magenglish.


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