if only they knew

o hey blog! 3 months e? hehe

just want to share this with you. on our way home, my officemate Joyce, asked – ‘Bakit kaya wala pa tayong boyfriend’.

to which i replied, for myself, that i think it’s because i don’t exude an aura that i’m looking for a relationship. one friend in fact, told me when he saw me waiting for a ride, that i look very ‘suplado’. another said that i appear very cold that as if i have no emotion. and there’s even one who told me to shave the slight beard that i keep because the prospects would simply assume that i’m straight .

well here’s her take – she said that i look so decent, and she thinks other straight acting gays would think that i’m up to no fun.

i disagree.

if she only knew of my sexcapades. of me having experienced an orgy, a threesome. of me having been in a massage parlor, gay bar and a bath house. of me doing it with strangers. of me having done it in a vacant parking lot, in a dark part of a newly constructed mall, of having made out under a foot bridge, of having done it with a security guard, an engaged man and a drugged person.

and yet, her impression was that i’m not capable of these things. well i guess i’m very good at hiding my sins. i feel belonging to the league of certain bishops. hypocrisy – it makes me sick.